I used to be emotionally stable - I didn't feel anything easily. I didn't anger easily, I didn't get sad easily, I didn't get happy easily.. life before Christianity was a peaceful one. I had (and still have) several groups of close friends, I had a good family, I was (and still am) relatively well to do. I didn't have to worry about my grades. Absolutely no worries in my life.
Emotions back then was a all or nothing thing. Either I liked things intensely or couldn't be bothered with it at all. I don't call someone "friend" easily, but once you were a friend, I would value that relationship deeply. Drifting in the sea, without a care in the world, not knowing where I would go, but knowing it would be somewhere good. Not a bad life to live, for a non-believer. Many people strive to be where I was.. and I felt privileged to be in such a state.
Being in church though, has opened the whole Pandora's box of emotions for me. No longer am I emotionally self sufficient. I feel insecure at times, I feel unhappy, I feel lonely at times. I anger much easily now - I'm truly amazed that I have lost my temper several times these few months. I've experienced emotional breakdown, for the first time in my life.
But to counter balance that.. I've experienced many positive emotions. I smile much more. For the first time in my life I know what is the meaning of joy - the joy of seeing people coming to know God, the joy of seeing brothers and sisters mature as a Christian. I feel hope, hope for a better life, both in this world and the next.
The whole range of emotions, in various shades of intensity, has been opened within me. Something that I couldn't imagine happening to me ever in my life. It is a gift from God I value highly.. true it is double edged in nature.. I'm "weaker" now in terms of emotions.. I am no longer base my happiness within myself, but in external changable things.
But now I can say I don't just merely exist, but I live.. I no longer just drift aimlessly, but yearn for something greater in life..
Praise be to God =)
1 comment:
Hey dear bro,
Thanks for sharing... it's very encouraging and touches my heart a lot when I read it.
"I smile much more. For the first time in my life I know what is the meaning of joy..."
Yes and amen, bro, really can testify to that... somehow I can see the change in you. You're becoming more and more changed before my eyes - and it's not merely the outside - it's ... how to say... like you're being ... born anew. I mean it man, and I'm not saying it bcos it's a bible thing. I'm saying it as a personal observation. :)
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